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Why come out?

We all have many parts to our personal identities. Our sexuality is a part of our personal identity; it's a part of who we are. Having to hide a part of our identity can lead to emotional pain and unhappiness.

When a part of our personal identity is damaged in some way, it can effect us on a number of levels, including our mental health, in dramatic ways. Here is an example.

• When a person has been employed in a job for some time, this forms part of his or her identity. People describe themselves by their job, eg. "I am a bank manager" or "I am a gardener". People losing jobs may therefore lose a part of their identity because they can no longer describe themselves by their job type. Many people in this situation can become depressed.

It can be like that for same-sex attracted people who feel forced to hide or suppress their sexuality. This may be one of the contributing factors that has led to higher suicide rates for same-sex attracted people compared to straight people.

Many same-sex attracted young people simply want to be themselves, to be able to relax around friends, to bring their partner home to family celebrations, to do everything that "straight" people take for granted. This means coming out or going public.

Some same-sex attracted young people come out simply because they're proud of who they are and want others to know.

Here are some other reasons young people have given for coming out:

• to meet other same-sex attracted people.
• to have more meaningful relationships with family and friends based on who I really am
• I wanted to be able to go to family celebrations with my partner
• I was spending too much energy telling half-truths, changing names of my dates when I spoke to my friends - I couldn't keep it up any more. I couldn't keep track of the lies and who I'd told what. It exhausted me.
• for my own self-respect and self-esteem
• to remove the barriers between my family and myself
• I needed support from my family when my partner was ill
• to give my family an opportunity to know the real me - all parts of me. I'm a pretty nice guy to get to know
• to make some changes in the world - the more people who get to know same-sex attracted people, well, the less homophobia will be around
• I'd had enough of hearing discriminatory gay jokes, negative comments and put-downs about same-sex attracted people from my father. My self-esteem and self-respect were eroding. I came out to protect my self-esteem.