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Suggestions about coming out

• Don't let anyone pressure you into going public. It's your life; it's your decision; it's your choice. You don't have to come out.
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• Only tell someone if you have enough support to cope with their reaction. Not everyone will feel happy for you - some will try to tell you that you can change or even that you need therapy! Be prepared for any reaction.
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• If someone rejects you, consider whether the relationship is really worthwhile. Don't lose sight of your own self-worth. Find ways to nurture yourself and your self-esteem.
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• Be prepared that once you start to tell people, others might find out pretty quickly.
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• Give others time to get used to the idea - after all, you've given yourself time (perhaps years) to get used to the idea.
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• Be clear about your own feelings about being gay. If you are still having doubts, if you're feeling depressed or guilty, it may be best to get some support first, perhaps from a counselor or telephone support line. Believe in yourself first.
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• Don't come out during an argument. Don't use your sexuality as a weapon to hurt or shock someone else.
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• Timing, timing, timing! It's so important. Think about what's happening for the person you want to tell. If they're going through a lot of stress right now (eg. exams, loss of a job or they are just in a bad mood), it may be a good idea to delay. Make sure you have time to sit down quietly together.
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• Don't do it when you've been drinking alcohol or using any other substance. It's better to be able to think clearly.
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• Tell them that you're still the same person as you were yesterday - only now there's more honesty between you both.
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• You could have some leaflets or other information handy to give to your parents or close others (in the Parenting and Child Health section, there is a topic for parents on Gay or lesbian sons and daughters). Perhaps a local support and information service for parents and friends would be useful - see our 'Resources' page.
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• Think about the way you'll come out - it doesn't have to be a big confrontation with work mates and social friends. Just a comment, for instance, about what you're doing on the weekend with your partner lets people know, with the information sinking in gradually.
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• Think about some of the things your parents or others might say, and have some replies ready, eg. they could ask, "how can you be sure?" or "lots of young people go through a phase like this at your age" or "you haven't tried hard enough with the opposite sex".
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• If you decide to tell school friends, make sure that you can trust them and that they'll be supportive and open-minded.
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• If you decide to tell a teacher or counsellor, check out their confidentiality policy first.
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• If it's too hard to talk about to your parents, can you write a letter?
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• Remember to also listen to what others have to say.
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• Get support before coming out from a local support group or trusted friend or relative.
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• Celebrate your coming out - what a huge step!