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Stages  of coming out

Some young people may never 'come out' to others or even to themselves - nor should they feel that they have to.

When young people decide to 'come out', they may experience some of the following stages.

• Many people say that first of all, they have to come out to themselves. This may mean having a feeling deep inside or perhaps a strong self-awareness about being same-sex attracted.
  • Some people say they 'always knew' this about themselves.
  • For others, accepting their sexuality, or coming out to themselves, comes later. It can take many years.
  • Some same-sex attracted people may be aware of their sexual orientation as young as 10 or younger, but don't label themselves as same-sex attracted until about 14 years. They may not tell anyone until several years after that.
• After coming out to themselves, some people may then begin to want to come out to others in their lives, for their own reasons.
• People may come out first to other gay people, then family and friends. Many people say their mothers are the first family members they tell.
• Finally, a person may come out to the world. Some march in parades that celebrate sexual diversity. Others simply let the world know by living their normal lives in a positive and open way and feel comfortable not to have to lie.

No one has to go through these stages - no one has to feel as though they should come out to anybody or everybody. It is an individual choice.